I was going to write a post this week about “A Day in the Life of A Trainer & Business Owner” … or something like that. But as I was looking at my day to day and the way I’m feeling at this exact moment … I think there’s more to the story that I want to share.
The truth is, I see a lot of people struggling. Whether they share it verbally or not, I see it. I see sadness, loneliness, a lack of confidence, whatever it may be. And I understand it.
You may look at me and think I could never feel the way you feel — that we could never possibly have any struggles in common. After all, I just work out all day, and if I’m not working out I’m eating broccoli or making dancing videos, right? Or maybe you actually see me getting on and off the struggle bus every day. Maybe you’re whizzing by on roller skates and see me tumble off, or maybe you were in the seat next to me. Hell, maybe I fell asleep on your shoulder. Oops. Sorry if I slobbered on you.
Off and on during this specific fitness-business-owning journey, I’ve had bouts with loneliness. They got more intense last year as I worked on my vision and started working toward new goals, which also meant new obstacles. Time to see family and friends, time for my fur babies, my energy for life — it all evaporated.
At first, I didn’t quite understand it. I thought, “What is this new feeling I’m having that will not go away?” There have been days I’ve felt incredibly alone. Days I’m standing in a crowd feeling completely solo. Days when I keep hearing a voice that says, “You are never going to get it together, are you?”
What I’ve figured out is that those feelings stemmed from a deep knowledge that no one was coming to save me or make decisions for me. I just had to work through whatever was happening because I really couldn’t cancel daily life until I felt better. (And maybe knowing that kinda sucks too. Let’s face it — sometimes a pause button would be nice. I’d probably just sit and pet my dogs and cat for a bit.) But, alas, we just have to keep going.
But what I can tell you is that, for me, life seems to ebb and flow. Between good and bad.
Between amazing and ugh.
Between tired as hell and dancing with an exercise band on my head.
Between chicken-and-broccoli and a giant bowl of chocolate-covered feelings.
Between feeling like I can kick everybody’s ass and like I’m a complete fake. And sometimes all that can happen in an hour!
Friends, it’s not all pull-ups and lollipops for any of us. And I know it usually gets worse before it gets better. But when I’m feeling terribly lonely, hopeless, or whatever awful feeling it may be for whatever reason … I’ve learned the best way out is always through.
When I push through, I see the other side. Yes, please, by all means, give me my giant box of tissues for a few hours — or days. I’m only human. I will cry, and I will make it big, and I will make it ugly. But after that, I will suck it up, sister, and push through.
I will do the things I think I can’t, and I will do the things I don’t wanna do. Because I have the power to conquer this. I will climb that mountain with one pinky finger if I have to, dammit! I am strong.
Everybody has ups and downs in life. It’s never, ever just you. I hope you know that. And I hope you’ll push through, see the other side, and conquer that shit like the amazing person you are!